Broke Down Palace

The Legend:
Marketing:
7.0 I remember a real slick advertising campaign for this, really geared toward the young hipster crowd. Remember this rating, it's the highest this movie is gonna get.
Performances:
1.5 What absolutely staggers me is the big names they got.Sure Clare Danes is in it, but Bill Pullman, and Lou Diamond Phillips. Lou Diamond Phillips is the only one who acts...unfortunately, its a bit part.
Production Design:
 1.0 Would a Thia prison really have flowers right outside the barbwire? (I'm not kidding!)
Score:
5.0 Typical hipster MTV fare. You won't even believe how cliche this is. Here's an example:
"I'm so sad", says Clare Danes. Music starts up, first lyrics, "I'm so sad..."
Overall Rating:
 0.5 From top to bottom, garbage galore. It's gonna be tough to find a worse movie than this.


First confession: This was involuntary rental. What do I mean by that. Well, we rented "The Hurricane" (with Denzel Washington) and lo and behold, Brokedown Palace was in the box.

Second confession: I enjoy reviewing bad movies.

Third confession: I'm about to have the time of my life...

To say this movie was bad is an injustice. It goes straight passed bad, right past pathetic and falls squarely into the realm of "What the Fuck were they thinking?" I've seen better acting in porno movies. There were several "dramatic" moments so poorly delivered, that I laughed out loud.

Okay, I'll say it. It wasn't a bad idea for a film. Two girls, just out of high school, go on that dream vacation, and get scammed into smuggling drugs. They are caught and get to spend some quality time in the Thialand correctional facilities. It had what could have been a decent plot.

This movie is the bottom of the barrel on everything, from dialogue, to directing, to acting, to production design. This is the kind of movie, that in the past, would have ended careers. It watches more like a Daniel Steele made for TV movie...

Let me just ask one question: If you had a guard in a prison who was taking bribes to let prisoners escape, wouldn't you fire her. Apparently not in Thialand.

The ending is absolutely the perfect completion to this movie. Not since Showgirls have I seen a movie with such a bad ending that was the exclamation point on this film.

This movie is so bad, I'm going to do something I've never done before. I'm gonna spoil the ending for you: (Stop now if you plan on seeing it)







Clare has taken her friends time and got her friend pardoned. She says her goodbye's to her friend and is standing in prison smiling (No I'm not exagerating), and a voiceover comes across. "I know it was the right thing to do. I know she won't quit trying, until I'm free."

The Bottom Line
This movie sucks like a two-dollar whore with no front teeth. This falls into the realm of so bad it's amusing...

To sum it up in a sentence. I'd like to get the cast, the director and the producer in a room and swat them with a rolled up newspaper shouting, "Bad!"

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